Dear Adisson,
Language fails me. Sometimes, we encounter things in our life that are just too big for nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives and all the rest. I’ve seen sunsets over vast deserts and sunrises over epic mountain peaks. I’ve seen grand fissures in the Earth that span the horizon and plummet deep into the foundations of this planet. I’ve looked out onto the Pacific Ocean and seen the curvature of the globe. I have glazed out into the night sky and caught glimpses of the very beginnings of the universe itself. And in all those moments, language fails me. Confronted with the enormous feelings these experiences create, language retreats like the frail and imperfect thing it is.
Your coming into my life was another such experience. You have brought energy, creativity, life, love, art, integrity, bravery and peace to a life that was devoid of all such things. It is a sad and common experience that we grow accustom to the world around us, no matter how beautiful. Waking up in the desert everyday, the beautiful sunsets become mundane, trivial and all too ordinary. The Rocky Mountains become just mountains. The Grand Canyon becomes a ditch. And, the stars grow cold and remote. But, after spending more than two years with you, language still fails me.
Every morning, when I wake up and see your face, an overwhelming and enormous feeling hits me in the gut and makes my insides hurt. It floods over me. Every day when I see you smile or laugh or furrow your forehead in concentration or consternation, that feeling returns and invades my being. Some people wonder what the universe will be like when the last star goes out and all that is left is cold dark space. But, I know. I live it over and over every time we part; every time you walk out the door for class or work. The universe darkens and the world becomes a very cold place indeed.
Forgive me if all this seems so grandiose and hyperbolic. Forgive me if I sound trite, corny or banal. Forgive me for trying to capture what you mean to me with these tiny words. Forgive me if by doing so I have trampled on the sacred feeling that is my love for you. It’s too big. It’s too grand. It overwhelms me and leaves me dumbfoundingly awestruck. As I said, language fails me. I love you, Adisson. I love you with every breath of my being. I love you more with each passing moment, each passing day. You are my light, my life and my love.
With everything that is in me, Happy Valentine’s Day!
Sir
